…that’s when you can’t sleep and so you spend a couple of hours tweeting random thoughts @ strangers and celebrities, right? #ShannonColleary #sarahksilverman
I have a friend who awakes (intentionally) at 4:30 a.m. every day to hit the gym. I told him, “don’t ever wake me up that early, unless it’s to take me fishing”. (Full Disclosure: I actually gave him two options, and only one of them was fishing).
Unlike many of the middle-aged people, I can and do sleep eight hours at a stretch, religiously. My college boyfriend, silver-tongued devil, described me as sleeping “like a dead horse”. I prefer “dead princess”, but I don’t deny being an unusually heavy sleeper.
This morning I’ve been up since 2:30, unfortunately, without so much as getting a line wet. L.Q. spent the evening with me for the first time in a while and decided to sleep over. (Yay)! We piled into my bed together with both dogs, (a rare treat for them), and settled in to watch Ice Cold Killers, about murder(s) in Alaska. I haven’t watched T.V. in over a year, but I was able to doze off despite the icy, bear-ravaged carnage.
Dozing might be over-stating it a little, because I could feel my cortisol and adrenaline levels spiking in response to the lurid narration and the flickering screen. The elderly Boston Terrier was snoring like a chainsaw, and also making strangling neck fat noises. Duncan, the 50-lb Rott-Wienie, finally gave up his mission of licking us all to death, and settled for pinning down my left leg with his giant triangular head. In true Dead Princess fashion, I could normally have slept through all of that…it used to amaze my kids’ father that I would be blissfully ignorant of crashing thunder, barking dogs, train whistles and sirens, and yet spring up fully awake at the slightest whimper of a baby.
Almost 20 years later, it was the baby who kept me up last night too. She got in and out of bed 26 times to snack, smoke, update her i-phone iOS, ask me for the network password, retrieve something from her car, wax her eyebrows, pee the dogs, and generally perform all of the necessary things that young adults do between the hours of 10 p.m. and 2:30 a.m.
She finally settled in to sleep, but by then I was fully awake. I’ve been recently plagued by some hip pain, which has been expertly diagnosed as deep-vein thrombosis and/or sciatica, depending upon which friend I’m consulting. Neither condition was improved by the dead weight of a giant, slumbering wienie dog thingy, and so now it’s just me and the internet at dawn’s early light. (WebMD has confirmed both diagnoses, and also raised the specter of more dire health concerns).
My best medicine will be logging off and crawling back into bed with my baby girl, even if it’s just to listen to her breathing for a couple of more hours. I wouldn’t trade a minute with her for eight hours of sleep and a miracle neck cream.